Most of these are original, but several are from the "Credits" page at the Car Talk web site and some others were submitted by site visitors.

You are welcome to send me funny names to add to this list, but note that I post only names that could be real. So please don't be the hundredth person to send me Amanda Huginkiss, since that is not a real last name. And I now finally have enough "Dick" names and other bawdy names. Please, no more!

I recently made an exception to my "must be real" rule. My friend, jazz drummer Adam Nussbaum, submitted the hilarious list of "Big Band" names at the bottom of this page.

Also see my Smileys collection.

Adam Baum
Adam Zapel
Al Bino
Al Dente
Al Fresco
Al K. Seltzer
Alf A. Romeo
Amanda Lynn (a mandolin)
Amber Green
Anita Bath, Anita Bohn, Anita Knapp, Anita Lay, Anita Mann, Anita Mandalay
Anna Prentice (an apprentice)
Anne Teak
Annie Matter
April May (a real person I knew in high school)
April Schauer (real person)
Aretha Holly
Armand Hammer
Art Major, Art Painter, Art Sellers
B.A. Ware
Barb Dwyer
Barbara Seville
Barry Cade
Beau Archer
Ben Dover, Eileen Dover, Skip Dover
Ben Marcata (a musical term)
Bess Eaton (donut shop chain)
Biff Wellington
Bill Ding
Bill Foldes
Bill Loney
Billy Rubin
Bob Apple
Bob Katz, Tom Katz
Brad Hammer (carpenter joke)
Brandon Cattell
Brighton Early
Brock Lee
Brooke Trout
Bud Light
Bud Wieser (real college math teacher)
Buster Cherry
C. Good (alledgedly a real eye doctor)
C. Senor
Candy Barr, Candy Baskett, Candy Kane, Candy Sweet
Carrie Dababi ("carry the baby" - Dababi is an Egyptian name)
Casey Macy
Cheri Pitts, Harry Pitts
Chris Coe
Chris Cross
Chris P. Bacon
Chuck U. Farley
Chuck Waggon
Claire Annette
Constance Noring
Count Dunn, Count Orff
Coyne Flatt (real person)
Craven Moorehead
Crystal Ball
Crystal Claire Waters
Crystal Snow
D. Liver
Dan D. Lyons
Dan Druff
Darren Deeds
Dick Bender (real sports person)
Dick Burns
Dick Bush (real person)
Dick Finder (real name of a urologist)
Dick Head
Dick Hertz
Dick Hunter (my junior high principal - really!)
Dick Pole (real major league baseball player)
Dick Rasch (real person)
Dick Tator
Dick Trickle (real person, a NASCAR driver)
Dilbert Pickles
Dinah Soares
Donny Brook
Doris Schutt (Doris Open...)
Doug Graves
Doug Witherspoon
Dr. Beaver
Dr. Butcher
Dr. DeKay, DDS
Dr. & Dr. Doctor (real married doctors from Norwalk, CT)
Dr. E. Ville
Dr. Gass (allegedly a real anesthesiologist)
Dr. Gutstein
Dr. Hanus
Dr. Hurt (real pediatrician in Saginaw, MI)
Dr. Hymen
Dr. Kauff
Dr. Look (real opthalmologist in Hawaii)
Dr. Payne (plastic surgeon in Sandusky, OH)
Dr. Pullham
Dr. Surgeon (another real doctor from Stamford, CT)
Drew Peacock
Duane Pipe
Dusty Rhodes
Dusty Sandmann (real person, submitted by his dad Roger Sandmann)
Edna May (or may not)
Earl E. Bird
Eaton Wright and Liv Good
Eric Shinn
Estelle Hertz (it still hurts)
Faith Christian
Fanny O'Rear
Ferris Wheeler
Ford Parker
Forrest Green
Gaye Jolly
Gail Storm
Gene Poole
Geoff L. Tavish (gifelte fish)
Gil Fish
Gladys C. Hughes (glad to see you)
Hamilton Burger (Ham Burger, character on the old Perry Mason TV series)
Harry Armand Bach, Harry Balls
Harry Caray (famous sports announcer)
Harry Johnson, Harry P. Ness, Harry Peters
Harry Rump (a real plumber from Freemont, Maine!)
Harry R. M. Pitts
Hazle Nutt
Heidi Clare
Holly Wood
Hugh Jass
Hugh Jorgan
Hy Ball
Hy Lowe, Bea Lowe
Hy Marx (scholar)
I.D. Clair
I.M. Boring
I.P. Freely, I.P. Daly
Ileane Wright
Ima Hogg (a real person, daughter of a Texas governor)
Iona Frisbee (alledgedly a real person)
Ivan Oder
Ivana Mandic (a real basketball player)
Jack Goff (my uncle - no kidding!)
Jack Hammer
Jay Walker
Jean Poole
Jenny Tull
Jim Laucher (gym locker)
Jim Shu, Jim Sox
Jo King
Joe Kerr (joker)
Joy Kil
Joy Rider
Justin Case, Justin Hale, Justin Inch, Justin Time, Justin Miles North (just ten miles north)
Kandi Apple
Kelly Green
Kenny Penny
Kerry Oki
King Queene
Lake Speed (a real person, NASCAR race car driver)
Lance Boyle
Laura Lynne Hardy
Laura Norder (law and order)
Levon Coates
Les Moore
Lisa Carr
Lois Price (bargain-hunting shopper)
Lou Pole
Lou Zar (loser)
Luke Warm
Lynn C. Doyle
Lynn O. Liam
Marlon Fisher
Marsha Dimes (march of dimes)
Marsha Mellow
Marty Graw
Mary Annette Woodin
Mary Christmas
Maude L.T. Ford
Max Little
Max Power
May Day
May Furst
Mel Loewe
Melba Crisp (real person who emailed me)
Melody Music
Mia Hamm (a real person)
Mike Easter
Mike Hunt
Mike Raffone
Mike Rotch
Mike Stand (a real person)
Mike Sweeney (sounds as Mike's weenie), famous baseball player
Minny van Gogh
Mister Bates
Misty Waters (a real person)
Misty C. Shore (a real person), Rocky Shore, Sandy Shore
Mo Lestor
Mona Lott
Monica Monica (real person)
Muddy Waters (famous blues singer, though probably not his real name)
Myles Long
Nancy Ann Cianci (real person, wife of Providence, RI mayor Buddy Cianci)
Nat Sass
Neil Down
Neil McNeil (submitted by his cousin)
Noah Riddle
Norma Leigh Lucid
Olive Yew
Ophelia Payne
Oren Jellow
P. Ness
P. Brain
Paige Turner
Park A. Studebaker
Pat Downe (a real person)
Pat McCann
Pearl E. Gates, Pearl E. White
Penny Dollar (real person)
Penny Lane
Penny Nichols
Penny Wise
Pepe Roni
Pete Moss
Peter Johnson (a real announcer on public radio), Dick Johnson
Phil Rupp
Pierce Deere
Pierce Hart
Polly Ester
Post, Mark
Price Wright (another real person)
Priti Manek ("pretty manic", real doctor in Houston, TX)
R. M. Pitt
R. Sitch
R. Slicker
Randy Guy
Ray Zenz (raisins)
Rob Banks
Rex Easley (reportedly a real traffic safety teacher at Kamiakin High, Kennewick, WA)
Rhoda Booke, Rita Booke
Richard P. Cox (real person)
Rick O'Shea
Rick Shaw
Rip Torn
Robin Andis Merryman
Robin Banks, Robin Money, U. O. Money
Robert and Reginald Soles (allegedly real brothers: R. Soles)
Rock Pounder, Rock Bottoms
Rocky Beach, Sandy Beach
Roman Holiday
Rose Bush
Royal Payne
Russell Leeves
Rusty Carr, Rusty Dorr, Rusty Irons, Rusty Pipes, Rusty Steele, Rusty Blades, Rusty Nail
Sally Forth
Sam Manilla
Sandy Banks, Sandy Beech
Seymour Butz
Seymour Wiener (should be a urologist)
Shanda Lear (daughter of Bill Lear, inventor of the Lear jet)
Sharon Needles
Sheila Blige
Skip Roper
Sonny Day
Sno White (real person)
Stanley Cupp
Dr. Steven Sumey (Dr. sue me, real person in Fairmont, MN)
Sue Yu, Sue Jeu
Summer Camp (allegedly a real person)
Summer Day
Summer Greene
Sy Burnette
Tad Pohl
Tanya Hyde
Tarre Beach *
Tess Steckle
Therese R. Green
Thomas Richard Harry
Tim Burr
Tom A. Toe
Tom Katt
Tom Morrow
Trina Woods, Trina Forest (tree in the woods, tree in a forest)
Ty Coon, Ty Knotts
Walter Melon
Wanda Rinn
Wanna Hickey
Warren Peace
Warren T.
Will Race (real person who told me he races cars and on foot)
Will Wynn (Mayor of Austin, Texas)
Willy Leak (or won't he)
Willie Stroker
Winsom Cash, Owen Cash
Woody Forrest
X. Benedict

* Tarre Beach is a real person. She saw this page and emailed me, saying she was born in California where there's tar on the beach.

Someone sent me this: "A coworker whose last name is Naze wanted to name his daughter May Ann Naze but his wife refused."

Someone else sent me this: "My aunt's name is Debra May Page and she married Patrick Dye, so now she is called Debra May Dye!! Lol!!"

And this is from another Dye: "My maiden name is Mandy Brown and I married Timmy Dye. My name is now Mandy Brown Dye. Our marriage announcement in the local paper read BROWN-DYE. I also know siblings named Rusty Keys and Penny Keys. I almost named my kids May Dye and Will Dye. My husband wouldn't have it!"

Meg Boner sent me this: "This one is real - it's mine. My maiden name was Meg Ann Childress. Nothing exciting. Well, I married Alan Boner, and now I am Meg A. Boner!"

I love this recent submission: My friend's name is Crystal Ware and has been made fun of all of her life for it. She's been called names like Tupperware, silverware, and the famous underwear.

This is from Misty Cupp: My maiden name is Misty Cupp (Miss Tea Cup). I am now Mason. My family jokes that I went from a tea cup to a Mason jar. I have a cousin named Crystal Cupp.

BIG BAND NAMES

DEWEY NEEDHAM & HIS JAZZ ORCH.

TRUMPETS
Al Tissimo (lead trumpet), Pops de Vane (old time 1st trumpet), Plenty Haitönen (1st trumpet Finland) Willy Makit or Kenny Makit (1st trumpet), Buster Bloodvessel (1st trumpet), Felix Cited, Howie Spitz, Ames Toulouse, Chops O'Gonagen (or Lips O' Gonagen), Ed Down, Rusty Piston, Buster Hinote, Diz Astor, Noah Count

TROMBONES
Hy Register,Slip Shod,Willie Show, Bjent Slide, Adolf Tune, Mosley Late, Scott Noslide (on valve trombone), Terry Billnoise, Moe Zaic, Justin Tune, Lew Slips (bass trombone), Keith Myath, (toothless bass trombone)

SAXOPHONES
Kenny Read - lead alto, Izzy Sharp - lead alto, Mosley Flat - 2nd alto, Les Tone - 2nd alto, Manny Notes - 1st tenor, Mai-Lik - Chinese 1st tenor, Reed Mylips - 1st tenor, Otto Tune - 2nd tenor, Ron Key - 2nd tenor, Lee King - 2nd tenor, Olaf Awhiskey - Swedish tenor, Mustafa Fix - Arabic tenor, Selmer Horn - broke tenor player, Seymour Butts - baritone, Rusty Keys - baritone, Arthur Chorus - baritone, Ima Growler - baritone

FLUTE
Bret Support - Will Trill - Mosley Sharpe - Lotta Air - Vera Piercing (piccolo)

RHYTHM SECTION

PIANO
R. Peggio - Manny Wong Kordz - Phil Allgaps - Hugo Tommy Head (piano bar) - Sven Lightsarlo (Swedish piano bar) - Thelonious Gallintown (gay pianist)

ORGAN
Page Turner

BASS
Ron Lines - Pete Ziccato (Italian) - Toulouse De Beat (French) - Buster Gutt - Warren Fretts - Uguludunga (African)

GUITAR
Ron Kords - Rex Yurears (rock guitarist) - Ian Gee & Rudy Mentry (folk guitarists) - Kent Reed - Segovia Carpet (classical guitarist) - Django Bells - Rock Enrol - Sten Gunn (Swedish rock guitarist)

DRUMS
Phil Dinn - Don Swing - No-Tai-Ming (Vietnamese) - Owen Transport (Welsh) - Will Travel - Arturo Verciz (South American) - Knut Loose (Danish) - Ching Boom (Chinese) - I.Q. Lowe

VIBES
Hal Mallet

BANJO
Ricky Tick

HARP
Anne Dante

HARPSICHORD
Arron Variation

PERCUSSION
Perry Diddle - Jim Nasium - Tim Bales

STRING SECTION
Adolf Fiddler - Phil Harmonic (1st Violin) - Squeekin Myassoff, Fay Kerr (2nd violin) - Vi Baratto - Vera Sharp (violas) - Beau Braker, Donna Octif (Cello)

FRENCH HORN
Belle Tone

TUBA
Sue Saphone

DANCERS
Dinah Sore - Betty Whont - Sonia Papermoon - Sharon Sharalijk - Lois D. Nominator - Barbara Seville - Tamara Nevercomes - Tamara Zanutha Day - Anne Fetamin - Anna Rexia

CHOREOGRAPHY
Amanda B. Reckonwith - Ben Dover (gay)

DANCE TEAMS
Ko & Nova Caine - Sam & Janet Evening

FEMALE SINGERS
Norma Stitts (or E. Norma Stitts) - Eileen Back - Eileen Dover - Annie Keewildoo - Sheila Blige (or Sheila O'Blige) - Marsha Dymes - Lotta Head - Terri Belle (French) - Kay Sirah-Sirah (Anglo/Egyptian) Deborah C. Ewe (singer with adenoid problem) - Mozarella Fitzgerald (Italian jazz singer)

FEMALE BLUES SINGERS
Bertha De Blues - Elefants Gerald

FEMALE DUO
Annie Tune 'n' Annie Key

MALE SINGERS
Amos B.Haven - Denny Nodsout - Lee Thargic - Amos Havacik Daly (Jewish,Slovak,Irishman) - Chester Gigolo - Payne N. Diaz - Kanta Singh (Indian) - Barry Tone

COUNTRY & WESTERN SINGERS
Lars Roundup (Swedish) - Abner Selfabal

BACKING VOCALS
Rachel Prejudice - Freda Slaves - Sybil Rights (South African trio) - Anita Leigh - Eustace Crew

SINGING COACH
Hal E. Tosis

ARRANGER
Walt Smedley

BAND LEADERS / CONDUCTORS
Dewey Needham - Ron Tempo - Ivor Wiggon - Walter Mess - Charles Louis D'Inse (French) - Voorhees A. Jollygoodfellow - Owen De Guys (and his wife Leigh De Guys) - Yuron Yurown (Israeli) - Seldon Wright - Kent Count - Ofun Wong (Chinese) - Kick der Raas (Dutch) - Count Immov - Izzy Goudinov - Phil Harmonic (classical) - Dick Dolittle

MASTER OF CEREMONIES
Darryl B. Moreticome

BAND COMEDIAN
Lucius N. Savuma

SOUND CREW
Lew Swires - Mike Rafone - Mustafa Djoint - Mike Fawlty - Elco Short - Constance Humm

LIGHTING
Justin Case - Flip M. Awn - Jerry Rigg

ELECTRICIAN
Les Voltage

CAMERA
Will Shutter

BAND BOY
Noah I. Cue

SECURITY
B. A. Dick - Rick O'Shae

LIBRARIAN
Miss Inga Page

COPYIST
L. Egible

ROADIES
Oliver Beer (English) - Mannheim Stoned (German) - Manuel Lehba (Spanish) - Ram Shackle (Indian), Fu Kiu (Chinese) - Wang Kerr - Tucker Inn

STAGE MANAGER
Lew Scannon

BUS DRIVER
Ben Z. Dreen - Oliver de Rode - Peekup Andropv

TOUR COORDINATORS
Alice Verboten (German - discipline) - Hertz Von Rental - Ate De Jong (Dutch - child care) Walter Walcarpitz (accomodation)

UNION REPRESENTATIVE
Morey Ziduals - Scott Free - Lou Syfer

PATRONS (OR SPONSORS)
Baron Wasteland - Lord Elpuss - Count D’Meaunay

MANAGEMENT CONSULTANT
Bacchus Stabber

BOOKING AGENTS
Al Fresco (Outdoor Festivals) - Gig Booker - Willy Paye - Rip Orff

MANAGERS
Robin Bastard - Anthony Bluitt  - Lou Debred

PUBLICITY & PR
Igg Norriss - Ed Vertise - Mai Ling (China)

FAN CLUB PRESIDENT
Doug de Ban

TALENT SCOUT
Hiram Cheap

BAND LAWYERS
Dewey, Cheatham, & Howe

WARDROBE
Zip Herrup - I. B. Sewinn

CATERERS
Andy Pasta - Harry Vederci - Laika McAroni - Sal Monella - Art Burne - Mo Zarella - Al Dente

ACCOUNTANT
Iris Audit

BAND CHAPLAIN
Theo Log (Dutch) - C. de Light - Hal L. Ujah