My girlfriend is constantly making me laugh with the things she says to me on the phone. The other day she had been to and back from Bangkok in one morning and had done a lot of walking around. When i called her for our daily chat i asked her if she was going out. She replied ( well what sounded like) " My i dont work"
i kept saying "what do you mean you dont work", and she kept laughing,
i said "i know you dont work" , "no no" she replied "my i dont work, cannot go out", "what" i replied. "your iron?"
"no no......i!"
"Cannot see i no work"

After laughing for 10 minutes trying to understand what she was saying.
I worked it out her eyes were sore and she was tired!!!!!


Anyone else had the same fun?

My Thai wife calls my penus "HIM" and her vagina "she". You can make up your own jokes!!

Once when we lived in the US, we were watching a show where a salesman was selling used cars on tv from a local dealership. He was jabbering away about the great deal offered on a certain car and said to " hurry on down because this car wont last long". My wife asked me, " why would anyone want to buy that car if it wont last long?"

Yes BIG this is real fun
PRIVATE JOKER ON THE FORUM ??

My wife calls her toes, her finger feet. and she also has an obow(elbow)

She does not do this any more but she used to say kiss me instead of excuse me.

It's not only the girls that come out with these corkers. After a long night clubbing a mixed group (thai/ farlang) sat down for an early breakfast, after the initial ordering and arrival of various foods and drinks one of the Thai guys with us announced, and I quote " There's nothing like a big cold cock in the morning."
After we all picked ourselves up from the floor, got the laughter under control and explained to him what he'd just said, he announced that from now on he'd be drinking pepsi.

"dont come in my mouth" is quite a common one, usually falls on deaf ears though

My wife for some strange reason thinks all meat is beef.
"do you want chicken beef or pok or normal beef".
(the pok spelling is intentional)

Friend of mine discussed with his favorite waitress about the lunar years. Found out he and she where born under the same 'rooster'. (For sure different cycles)

Next time he walked in and said 'hello my hen'. Her reply absolutely serious, 'Hello my cock'

Reminds me of that commercial on TV in the states for Car-X Mufflers. The little ditty goes "Rattle, Rattle, Thunder, Clatter, Boom, Boom, Boom".
Cracked my wife up every time she heard it!

I once was trying to explain to a bar girl that most of my ex English girlfriends turned out to be sluts, she asked me to explain this word ''SLUT''. I told in simple terms it was a person the fu--ed as many people as possible no matter if they were married single. She thought about it for a while and proudly told me she was also a slut also.

An SMS of a jealous, paranoid ex-g/f after I repeatedly ignored her phone calls one night (one every 5 minutes) :

"what you do now? you f*ck with other lady! i hope you happying!"

"happying" ???

tonight, my hubby said he would allow me shop untill drop at disney(shop). But from what i heard was ' shop untill you drop at Tiffany.I was bloom and happy for a few sec untill I found out that my ears tricked me.SIGH.

When i ask my Gf what she is doing she says " she look TV"
After several weeks of this i told her it was "watch TV"
ok she said.
Next day i asked what did you do today?

"i watch shops!"

On another occasion when in the US, when my wife was just learning english, we had a traffic accident. A car backed into us. My wife said she saw the car backing towards us but said " I never thought it will gonna be happen like this! In all fairness, we arnt all that brilliant when it comes to speaking Thai. One time, upon returning from the hardware store, I told my wife I stopped to chat with the little old Chinese lady who owned the store. She was asking about the weather where I lcame from in New England. I told my wife, I was telling the old lady, this year America has alot of snow. My wife said, "WHAT?" Then she explained, snow is pronounced, " hee-mhuh", not "hee ma". I didnt go back to that store for awhile!

My wife watching an advert for Siemens mobile phones in the UK..."Oh I like Siemen" Even the educated ones often drop the final "s"...

In a hotel in Ubon when a bemused friend came down to the bar to say that the maid had propositioned him, knocking on the door and asking "are you lonely?" to which he replied "No I'm ok thanks" and closed the door. We were a little surprised, good hotel, stayed there many times, never experienced anything like that. Then he said..."the thing was she had my laundry in her hand and when I came back out it was hanging on the door."
Cut to scene of my wife (Thai) chokeing on her Margarita...when we revived her she said "they can't pronounce their "r"s up here...the maid was saying "here your laundry..."

Over dinner: "The cooker in here no good".

Call him "cook".

"No you wrong, you paint, you are a painter
you drive, you are a driver, you cook, you are a cooker..."

How to fight such logic?

Ask your gf for the Thai word for near (gly) and far (gly), and you try to spot the difference!!!

And the rice always become lice

I love the way she talks about her "Labis" - Rabbits!

My wife was cleaning one day and asked the question "where does the dutch come from?" I said "the dutch come from holland". "No", she said "the dutch?" I said, "OK, the netherlands then". "No" she repeated, "the dutch on the furniture?"



Dutch = dust.

it is really funny to read this forum to be honest.Cant stop laughing. I am
Thai and it is quite good to hear some opinions from farang who got thai wife. Hope you dont mind if there is a new face to join the forum.unfortunatly she is Thai.

Last year my friends gf wanted a moped so I asked her what colour she wanted. She pointed at her gold bracelet and said "same same but not same". After staring blankly at her for a few seconds she said I show you. She takes me by the hand and leads me to where a load of peds are parked,eventually she finds what she is looking for.
See I told you same same but not same she says pointing at a silver one.Then told me I was stupid.

I have a friend who is married to a thai lady since many years and they spend a few weeks every year in Bangkok. This isn't something "the girls say", but something funny that happened to him when he spoke very little thai. I don't remember the exact words, but he went to a store and wanted a bottle of some sort of oil, but confused the words and actually ordered a bottle of "female pee". Needless to say, the entire store almost died laughing. He didn't notice what he said before he went home to his wife and told her what was looking for.

Rainman...

Reminds me of a similar incident when I just started working out here. Had a note left on my desk asking to see a Thai member of staff. Thought I'd be a smart a*se and practice my limited Thai with her.

Walked up to her desk and tried to say "did you want me?" in Thai I thought was "khun ow phom mai?"...

She was in hysterics for five minutes, during which a crowd of more Thai staff had gathered around to see what was going on. When she came to her senses, she asked me to repeat it, so I did. Now the entire crowd was in hysterics.

When they all came too, I asked them for the real translation of what I just said...

"Do you want to f*ck me?"

On my first trip to thailand i was getting to grips with my first two thai sentences - i love you and thank you very much.
I went into the 7 11, and waited my turn in a line of about 5 - 6 thai girls to be served to fags, aftter paying and collecting my change i told the one of ugliest looking thai men i have ever see, that i loved him.

I asked why all the girls were laughing to a girl behind me and she told me that the guy asked what hotel i was in.
I wanted to die!!!!

Oh yeh... asked my GF about the Near and Far thing..... How do i ever stand a chance of speaking thai!!!!!!!!

We've been warned about you large potato's

Were were having sex and my gf stops and says " I love your crock!" Huh? "Oh, I love your clock!" I went limp laughing asking her what time it was.

During my first visit to Phuket a couple of years ago, I spent a week with a friendly but short tempered strumpet who looked upon me favourably enough to let me ride her moped.
As we rolled and bounced through the muddy puddles, past the rows of bikes outside the Family Mart she told me to "Pork the bike".
When I had finished laughing I looked around to see that she didn't look amused and couldn't understand what was so funny.
"Sorry" I said, "What did you say again?"
"I tell you pork the motorbike, you not hear or what?"

my Japanese wife stubbed her foot one night and screamed, "oww, my fingers" So I started looking at her hands and she said, "not those fingers! Those fingers", pointing at her feet. I of course learned later yubi = finger and ashi yubi is your foots fingers.

She also asked me to give her my Sesame knife! any one want to venture a guess?

But I have made grown Japanese wet their pants with my malpropisms.

try "tongue" and "down" when you are in japan.

absolutely loved reading all this. best ab exercise I've had in weeks!

One danger here, is the misused English word.

Example:

Our secretary speaks virtually no English (I speak passable Thai), and one day I cam into her office where she was talking "girl talk" to several of her mates. So she sees me, and says "chop golden mai?" (Do I like a golden?)

Long silence from me. The only thing I can think of is a slightly weird sexual practice.....

Then it clicks. She has a picture of a dog on her desk..........a ha! "Do I like golden retrievers!!!!"

I didn't have the heart to tell her.