Did Adam and Eve
have navels?
Did you ever notice
when you blow in a dog's face he gets mad at you?
But when you take him in a car, he sticks his head out the window!
Do one legged
ducks swim in circles?
Do atheists get
insurance for acts of God?
Do vegetarians
eat animal crackers?
Does anybody ever
vanish with a trace?
How come Superman
could stop bullets with his chest, but always ducked when someone threw
a gun at him?
How come you press
harder on a remote control when you know the battery is dead?
How does a shelf
salesman keep his store from looking empty?
How fast do you
have to go to keep up with the sun so you're never in darkness?
How is the handicapped
parking situation handled at the Special Olympics?
How can the weather
be hot as hell one day and cold as hell another?
If a mute child
swears, does his mother make him wash his hands with soap?
If a synchronized
swimmer drowns, does her partner also have to drown?
If a turtle doesn't
have a shell, is he homeless or naked?
If all the world
is a stage, where is the audience sitting?
If an orange is
orange, why isn't a lime called a green or a lemon called a yellow?
If Fed Ex and
UPS were to merge, would they call it Fed UP?
How many people
thought of the Post-It note before it was invented but just didn't have
anything to jot it down on?
If 7-11 is open
24 hours a day, 365 days a year, why are there locks on the doors?
If a chronic liar
tells you he is a chronic liar do you believe him?
If sour cream
is past its expiration date is it good then?
If a tree falls
in the forest without anyone there, does it still make a sound? Do the
other trees make fun of it?
If it's zero degrees
outside today and it's supposed to be twice as cold tomorrow, how cold
is it going to be?
If people from
Poland are called Poles, why aren't people from Holland called Holes?
If pro is the
opposite of con, is progress the opposite of congress?
If quitters never
win, and winners never quit, who came up with, "Quit while you're ahead"?
If Superglue is
so good why doesn't it stick to the inside of the tube?
If the folks at
the psychic hotlines were really psychic, wouldn't they call you first?
If the plural
of tooth is teeth, why isn't the plural of booth beeth?
If women ran the
Pentagon, would missiles and submarines be shaped differently?
If you have a
friend who works for the Psychic Friends Network, do you plan a surprise
birthday party for them?
If you try to
fail, and succeed, which have you done?
If a book about
failures doesn't sell, is it a success?
If the "black
box" survives every plane crash, why not make the entire plane out of that
stuff?
If the universe
is everything, and scientists say that the universe is expanding, what
is it expanding into?
Instead of talking
to your plants, if you yell at them would they still grow, only to be troubled
and insecure?
Isn't it a little
scary that a doctor's work is called practice?
Should crematoriums
give discounts for burn victims?
Shouldn't it be
called a "near hit" rather than a "near miss"?
There are 24 hours
in a day, and 24 beers in a case. Coincidence?
What hair color
do they put on the driver's license of a bald man?
What is a free
gift? Aren't all gifts free?
When you choke
a Smurf, what color does it turn?
Whose cruel idea
was it for the word "lisp" to have an "s" in it?
Why is there an
eject button on the VCR remote? Don't you have to get up to get to the
tape?
Why are builders
afraid to have a 13th floor but book publishers aren't afraid to have a
Chapter 11?
Why are there
flotation devices under plane seats instead of parachutes?
Why are there
interstate highways in Hawaii?
Why do fat chance
and slim chance mean the same thing?
Why do they call
them "apartments" when they are all stuck together?
Why do "tug" boats
push their barges?
Why do we drive
on parkways and park on driveways?
Why do we sing
"Take me out to the ball game", when we are already there?
Why do people
without a watch look at their wrist when you ask them what time it is?
Why does "slow
down" and "slow up" mean the same thing?
Why do we say
things "go off" when they are actually turning on?
Why does flammable
and inflammable mean the same thing?
Why don't you
ever see baby crows or pigeons?
Why is it building
"buildings", shouldn't they be called a "built" when completed?
Why is a person
who plays the piano called a pianist, but a person who drives a race car
not called a racist?
Why is it called
"after dark", when it is really after light?
Why is it that
when you're driving and looking for an address, you turn down the volume
on the radio?
Why is lemon juice
mostly artificial ingredients but dishwashing liquid contains real lemons?
Why is Mickey
Mouse bigger than his dog Pluto?
Why is there only
one commission that determines monopolies?
Why do banks charge
you a "non-sufficient funds fee" on money they know you don't have?
What's another
word for thesaurus? What's another word for synonym?
What is the speed
of dark?
What do you do
when you discover and an endangered animal that only eats endangered plants?
Why are there
Braille signs on drive-up ATM's?
Why do they sterilize
the needle for lethal injections?
Why do kamikaze
pilots wear helmets?